Who should “win” this season of The Bachelor?

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picture: ABC/Craig Sjodin

Although ostensibly about ‘dating’ or ‘finding love’, ABC BSC IA competition in nature that a group of 30 or so people try to win – although what “win” means different to each person. Sure, they all say they’re there to meet their true love and stay with them forever, as if none of them had ever heard of the statistics or bothered to Google the vast majority of couples who met online. BSCAnd this is certainly true for some of them. But this “win” only if you have more heart than feeling. The best way to win is to get closer to the end, have The Bachelor break your heart in a dramatic way where it’s outright obvious that neither of you is the bad guy, and then you become the star of the next season of The Bachelorette.

Whatever everyone defines it, someone has to WinAnd reality TV being what it is, the seeds of a winner should be sown in the first episode — especially when we’re talking about BSCwhich has to introduce all the contestants in its first episode. even with The new season of BSC Start this week And New Bachelor Zach Shallcross in his debut Let’s try to decide who can (or ought to) Win.

First, what do we know about Zack Shallcross? He says himself in the first episode that the most important things in the world to him are “soccer, family, and frozen pizza,” so we’re not dealing with someone who takes himself too seriously. He’s bro, sure, but he’s a little on the other side. For example, if he has a choice between going to the gym or a puppet show, he might have to think about it a little bit before finally choosing to work out.

Of the 30 women introduced in the first episode, all vying for a chance at being the next Bachelorette (or “falling in love” or whatever), few miss the mark entirely. A woman named Holland noticed that when Zack went on a date in Holland (as in Holland) when he was in The BacheloretteThings didn’t work out there because he was “in the wrong Netherlands”. Nice adult joke, but Zack didn’t seem to appreciate sex positivity, and Holland eventually went home without a rose.

Another bad introduction came from a woman named Gabby who proudly declared that she was from Vermont and that all people in Vermont drink maple syrup. I gave Zach a bottle and watched excitedly as he took a sip, and then he got Really offended When he seemed disgusted by it. Yes, it’s a drink. It’s a spice! By the way, the maple syrup thing isn’t as sweet as you think, Vermont. Learn to be a little more awkward about it, like the people in Wisconsin are with cheese.

Speaking of Wisconsin, a woman named Madison (she’s from North Dakota, but Madison town in Wisconsin) led a lot of early erotic reality TV dramas when she tried to repeatedly insert herself into the interactions Zac was having with other women. But the show’s editing quickly turned her story into exploitative reality TV garbage that everyone involved (including viewers!) should be ashamed of. She voluntarily chooses to go home before the actual rose ceremony, and puts the camera on her to what feels like several minutes as she walks from Zack (after he rejects her) to a waiting truck, crying the entire time. Who needs dignity? Isn’t reality TV fun?!

But two women in the premiere do well: The first, Christina Mandrell, is the only one of the women with a last name (Mandrell, as in Mandrell Sisters, because even BSC She can’t escape the Children of Nebo), and she makes a point to control every moment once the entire crew reaches the Famous Bachelor’s castle. She doesn’t seem like a terribly interesting person, but everyone – especially Zack Shallcross – is out to let them know who she is and that her name is Christina Mandrell. It was a little weird when Zack gave her a rose at the end of the episode and called her “Christina”. They didn’t put “Christina Mandrell” on every damn kron so you can treat her like some normal persondreamcatcher.

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picture: ABC/Craig Sjodin

The other candidate gave a good presentation from the moment she was introduced in a pre-recorded introductory video (which, it must be said, not everyone gets). Her name is Greer, and she was introduced lounging alone in a park, asking the photographer if she was supposed to open champagne by shaking it, then scaring the shit out of a nearby squirrel when the bottle exploded. Then she took a minute to meet a strange dog and talked about herself in the third person. She’s a cartoon character, and at least she’s an interesting and identifiable character.

When she arrives at the mansion, she explains to Zack that she lives in New York and brings him a cup of coffee “all the way from New York” – as if they didn’t sell coffee anywhere else. It was a dumb gag, since he would need the caffeine so they could stay up late and get to know each other, but then she gave him his coffee and walked away. He must have known what to do with the cup next! Even the maple syrup woman took the syrup with her when she finished with her stupid story.

Greer’s totally deranged demeanor made her an instant favourite, but the only opinion that matters is Zack’s, and he actually agrees: giving a chance to present one of the women with a first impression rose that’s kind of like… survivor Immunity Idol (the recipient is exempt from the Rose ceremony and gets a free pass for the next week), chooses to give it to Greer. And he couldn’t even see the champagne bottle’s ridiculous behavior! He was just coming off her coffee and the fact that she gave a wild speech about how she always wanted to live in Texas like he did.

A lot of people live in Texas, it’s not really fun, but for a football/family/frozen pizza character like Zack? This may be what it takes to “win” BSC, or at least to stick around long enough to make more of an impression. If Greer can maintain a quietly funny demeanor in the face of the more in-your-face Christina Mandrell, she can — or at least should — be a lock to take home. Bachelor’s The Crown (i.e., fall in “love” or be the star of a follow-up show).

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